Time Stops

Tonight I looked up and saw the moon. The sky was so clear, the moon was almost half full with a halo around it. A bright star twinkled.

I shivered from the cold, but I just had to look at the moon for a few more minutes.

This Is How I Want to Feel

I am guilty. Guilty of listening to this song performed by Garth Brooks and written by Bob Dylan more times then I will ever admit. The true romantic in me can't help it.

To Make You Feel My Love

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
There's no doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There ain't nothing' that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on a rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothin' like me yet

There ain't nothin' that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
Make you happy make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love

-Bob Dylan

Mentally Tired

This has been a difficult weekend. I am torn up inside and just need to find some peace in sleep.

I need to find the shard of strength I have left, and hide it.

Rearview Mirror

Today I found a journal entry from January of 2010. In it, I wrote:

"So we can easily spend an entire life looking in a rear view mirror. Looking back. Wondering...what if? Wanting to participate in everything occurring around us, yet pretending to be content standing on the sidelines."

A few months later, I wrote:

"I am so depressed and sad. I wish I could make all of this pass."

As I read the entries this morning, I cried. I cried, and wished I could put my arms around my former self and tell her it is going to be okay. Tell her she will one day stop looking in the rear view mirror and smile again.

But most importantly, I would tell her she will feel alive again someday.

Emptiness

I don't like feeling empty inside.

It is easy to blame other people for the emptiness I sometimes feel.

I realized, giving so much of myself, and not wanting to give it, has made me feel empty inside. All along, it has been a choice.

I realized when I give from the heart, what I choose to give, I don't feel empty.

Gratitude

Every night before I go to sleep, I try and take a few moments to count my blessings. I have many reasons to be thankful.

Gratitude is missing in so many people's lives.

Mrs. Cleland's Biased Cut Dress of Satin

Today was a very touching day for me. I decided yesterday I was going to spend the day and visit my parents. As an added bonus, I decided to make chocolate chip cookies and deliver some to my father-in-law and my former brother-in-law's mom.

My father-in-law was not home, so I left the cookies in the side door, so he would have them when he returned from his errands. As I ventured down the street, to drop cookies off to my next recipient, I wondered if she would recognize me.

She opened the door with a smile and I felt compelled to introduce myself. She immediately welcomed me into her home, complimenting my scarf while asking me if I made it. Her eyes lit up as I presented my small gift of cookies and she complimented me on how they looked like they were from a bakery.

She made me feel so welcome in her home, wanting me to take my coat off and stay for awhile. We visited and talked about her son. Conversation with her came naturally as she asked about my children and we talked about her grandchildren.

The longer I stayed, the more comfortable we both felt as she told me of her honeymoon in New York City and spoke of her deceased husband. She showed me her wedding picture and I admired her youthful beauty and biased cut dress of satin, along with her dashingly handsome beau.

We laughed. She cried. We hugged.

She showed me pictures of her children and grandchildren, and like many people her age, expressed the sadness of not seeing them. She cried as she remembered her son who passed away a year and a half ago. I wrapped my arms around her, told her I was so sorry and couldn't imagine the pain she feels in losing a child.

When it was time for me to leave, she thanked me so kindly for coming to see her. I asked if next time I was in town, if I could come and visit her again. She smiled a big smile and said she would like it if I did. I told her next time I would call, in case she needed anything from the store, I would pick it up for her.

She thanked me many times for visiting, and as I walked down the front steps she told me to take care. As I backed out of the drive, she stood in her doorway and waved to me. I smiled and waved back.

As I saw her standing in the doorway, I was thankful for the time we spent together and I smiled as thought of her in her youth with a biased cut dress of satin. I can't wait to see her again.