All That Glitters

When I looked outside this morning and saw the sun rising, the forest looked like it was twinkling. The frost was thick on the tree branches and the sun was low enough on the horizon to make everything look sparkly.

Snug in the house was fine, but when I went outdoors, the cold air reminded me of Morocco in Merchant of Venice by Shakespeare:

All that glitters is not gold;
Often have you heard that told:
Many a man his life hath sold
But my outside to behold:
Gilded tombs do worms enfold.
Had you been as wise as bold,
Young in limbs, in judgment old,
Your answer had not been inscroll'd:
Fare you well; your suit is cold.

Pretty Woman

Vivian: People put you down enough, you start to believe it.
Edward Lewis: I think you are a very bright, very special woman.
Vivian: The bad stuff is easier to believe. You ever notice that?

The other day I watched the movie Pretty Woman with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere. I have seen this movie many times, but I haven't watched it in awhile. As I was watching it, I was surprised as to how much I identified with Vivian right down to her talking about a carpet picnic, knowing how to drive a stick shift and fidgeting.

However, going a layer deeper, is Vivian's lack of self worth. I can certainly identify with that personality trait. Vivian is right. The bad stuff is easier to believe. I'm still figuring it out.

Heart on My Sleeve

I wear my heart on my sleeve for all to see. I can't hide the way I feel about someone or something. Sometimes I can find ways to conceal it, but most of the time, I fail.

The downfall of wearing your heart on your sleeve, is it leaves you vulnerable for people to hurt you.

However, I would rather wear my heart on my sleeve, and take the hurt that comes with it, because at least I know I am alive.

The Moon

Tonight I looked up at the moon. The sky was so clear and the stars were twinkling. It is almost a full moon, although I can't remember if it is considered a waxing or a waning moon.

I wondered how many people were taking a moment tonight to look up at the sky and admire it. So constant, yet always changing. No matter the shape, one thing is for certain - I always smile when I look at the moon.

Counting the Minutes

One week from today, I will be in New York City.

I have been thinking about what this trip represents to me. Of course, it is a wonderful opportunity to spend time with my beautiful daughter, and enjoy the sense of adventure we have shared over the years.

There are many places I want to see in the world, however, NYC and Paris have always been a dream. Ever since I as a young girl, I have carried dreams of visiting both. Why?

I thought of how exciting it would be to immerse myself in the culture of both places. The art, history, fashion and architecture. The people, communities and food.

Since it is only a week away, I have to admit I am nervous. I might just stand there and cry. Tears of happiness and sadness. Happy because I finally get to see NYC. Sadness because it took me so long.

The One Who Tucks Them in at Night

Yesterday was a sad day. One of Benjamin's friend's mom died in a car accident. She was driving on an icy, dirt road and her car ended up wrapped around a tree. Sadly, she was pronounced dead at the scene.

It was heartbreaking to see Benjamin's tears roll down his cheeks as he told me.

This morning, he looked at me with those big, blue eyes and said "That is the worst thing that could happen to a kid. To lose their mom. The one who tucks them in at night."

Later, as we were cleaning up from dinner, and I was getting ready to go to the store, Madeline and Andrew didn't say goodbye to me. Benjamin said to them "Hey, what if that happened to us like it did to Luke, and mom never came home again?"

Tears filled my eyes. Yes, it was a sad day.

Farewell Blog

Today, my blog is shut down.

I never meant any harm in writing it. I only wanted to use it as a tool to make me a better person. It has always been for me to learn about myself, nothing more.

I did learn a few things. I learned that I do have a lot of traditions with my children. I learned I do have memories of my childhood. I learned the simplest things in life are important to me.

But the most important thing I learned was I don't like feeling vulnerable.