Our Trip to Narnia

Sure enough, when I woke up this morning, the trees were covered in snow. It looked magical outside. When I picked my youngest son up at school at the end of the day, we were talking about how beautiful the tree branches looked all covered in snow. I laughed, when he said the trees didn't have time to prepare for the snow since the other day it was so warm outside.

But I think my favorite thing, was when he looked at me, and said "Mom, don't you think it looks like Narnia?" I smiled, and agreed with him. As I looked over at him in the car, our eyes met and we both laughed and for just a brief second, I believe he and I visited Narnia.

First Snow of the Season

Tonight is the first snow, and I am thinking tomorrow morning there will be a few inches of snow on the ground.

I love looking out at the forest when the tree branches are all covered in snow. It reminds me of a miniature forest scene with trees made out of chenille stems covered in white cotton!

Any Where. Any Place. Any Time.

"Then she saw a star fall, leaving behind it a bright streak of fire. “Someone is dying,” thought the little girl, for her old grandmother, the only one who had ever loved her, and who was now dead, had told her that when a star falls, a soul was going up to God.”

- Hans Christian Andersen, The Little Match Girl

I remember my mom reading this story to me, and how sorry I felt for the little girl as she desperately tried to keep warm. I still remember the feeling of sadness at the end of the story, crying and my mom comforting me.

With my imagination, and a good story, I can be any where, at any place, at any time.

Not My Christmas List

This evening, the kids shared their Christmas list ideas.

It is always interesting to hear what gifts they would like for Christmas, and it is fun to laugh with them over some of the items they include on their lists. Madeline and Andrew's lists usually includes many movies, books and CDs. Benjamin traditionally has a difficult time, but always seems to have some type of live animal on his list.

This year, after the presentation of lists, Andrew asked me what I would like for Christmas. Madeline started listing items she believed would be on my Christmas list, as Ben promptly made a written list. The list included work out pants, a zumba skirt, nipple and navel piercings, a tramp stamp and a bible. Andrew and I were laughing so much we both had tears streaming down our cheeks.

Now, I wonder what Santa will bring me for Christmas?

The Great Christmas Tree Hunt

Ever since the kids were little, we have always gone and cut down a fresh Christmas tree, and this year was no different. We have been going to Waldock's Christmas tree farm for quite a few years. Although every year, we have a conversation about if it is the year for an artificial tree.

So far, tradition wins. Many of years, we trod over fresh snow, or at least frozen ground, searching the fields for the perfect Christmas tree. This year was different, for as we ventured out to the tree farm, the weather was unseasonably warm. No need for hats, mittens or even winter coats.

Traditions stayed the same. We found a tree. I gave final approval. I take a photograph of the three kids in front of the tree. Kids and Ben discuss who will cut the tree down. Multiple people lay on the ground, attempting to cut tree with saw. Tree falls. Usually on a person. Tree is dragged to pick up area. We have donuts and hot chocolate. Tree is tied to roof of car.

All the while, I smile and am thankful the kids enjoy the tradition of the search for the perfect Christmas tree.

Madeline, Andrew and Benjamin

Every day my children amaze me, and I am so grateful to be their mom. I have been blessed with wonderful, gifted, talented and beautiful (on the inside and out) children.

I am so thankful.

Thank You Andrew

Today was a successful Thanksgiving. I tried a few new recipes, and I was pleased with all of them. The kids spent time with their grandparents, and everyone seemed to enjoy dinner.

However, I think the best part of the day, was just a few minutes ago, when Andrew said to me "Hey Mom, thanks for making Thanksgiving so special for me."

I gave him a big hug.

Ruth

Today I went to the funeral of my sister-in-law, Ruth. One of her friends read a poem at the cemetery, and I thought it was very beautiful. When I looked it up on line, I found it was the poem read by Gregory Peck at the funeral of Frank Sinatra.

Ruth was always soft-spoken, and I loved talking with her about museums and travel. I will miss her very much, but find comfort knowing she is no longer in pain.

To Those I Love
If I should ever leave you,
Whom I love
To go along the silent way. . .
Grieve not.
Nor speak of me with tears.
But laugh and talk of me
As if I were beside you there.

(I'd come. . .I'd come,
Could I but find a way!
But would not tears and
And grief be barriers?)

And when you hear a song
Or see a bird I loved,
Please do not let the thought of me
Be sad. . .for I am loving you
Just as I always have. . .

You were so good to me!
There are so many things
I wanted still to do. . .
So many things I wanted to say
to you. . . Remember that
I did not fear. . . It was
Just leaving you
That was so hard to face.

We cannot see beyond. . .
But this I know:
I loved you so. . .
'twas heaven here with you!

-Isla Paschal Richardson

Gratitude

I don't think a day goes by in my life, when I am not thankful for my friends and family. It is like celebrating Thanksgiving all year round. I hope I never lose site of gratitude.

Alice's Grand Adventure

One day, I will write the story of how Alice, the cat, came home with Benjamin, but for today, I have to write about her adventure.

She is a small, gray cat, who has the cutest meow and the softest fur. Today, I am not sure how it happened, but sweet Alice, had an adventure.

When Madeline and Andrew came home from school, they decided they wanted to take some photographs of each other outside. Madeline called me and asked where I put my collection of cute winter hats. Our foyer has two separate coat closets, and I told Madeline the hats were in the non-kid coat closet in a basket on the floor.

When I arrived home, Madeline shared the story of how she opened the closet and reached in to get the hats, and found Alice, sound asleep, curled up in the basket. I had noticed earlier in the day, I didn't see Alice much, but thought she must be sleeping somewhere in the house. I tried to remember the last time I was in the closet, and I think it was about five hours before Madeline found her.

This evening, the coat closet was closed, yet Alice was laying in front of the door. She must have wanted to get back in and enjoy the peaceful quiet of her basket nest filled with my winter hats and mittens.

My Dance Partner

My youngest son, Benjamin, recently joined the swing dance club at his middle school. Apparently, swing dance clubs are popular in many college towns, and our high school hosts multiple dances though out the school year.

I was happy when Benjamin decided to pursue the club. My advice to the boys has been simple and straight forward, and I have always teased them that most women really admire a man who can and will dance. (Okay, to be fair, women also admire a man who can cook, but that is another blog post.)

I was so happy when we went to my nephew's wedding reception last night, and Benjamin turned to me, put his hands out and asked me if I would dance with him. He led me to the dance floor with such confidence, smiled at me and took my hands. We giggled as he confidently spun me in circles, as we were the only ones on the dance floor.

Benjamin told me I was doing fine when he noticed I was wearing three inch heels, and I thought about how the next time we go to a wedding reception, he will likely be towering over me. I just hope at that point he still wants to have me as a dance partner!

Another Truth

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

-Maya Angelou

Finding Happiness

"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times,
if one only remembers to turn on the light."

- Albus Dumbledore in
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Thankful Prayer

When the kids were small, I thought it was important for them to take a moment before dinner and say a prayer. I was familiar with the traditional Catholic prayer said before meals:

Bless us, Oh Lord,
and these thy gifts which
we are about to receive from thy bounty,
through Christ, Our Lord.
Amen.

However, as nice as this prayer is, it always struck me as a prayer being said, because that is what you are suppose to say before you eat, and little thought was given as the prayer was recited. I wanted the kids to identify with the words they would say, and understand prayer is also a time to take a moment to reflect and be thankful. I searched for awhile, for the prayer I thought was an easy one to remember, and had meaning to children. The prayer I found is:

Thanks for food that helps us grow,
For family and friends we know.
Thanks for all the world we see.
Thank you God, for loving me.

I am unsure sure who to credit the prayer to, as I have done multiple Internet searches and have been unable to find the prayer on line. Someday I will find the piece of paper where I wrote the prayer down, and give credit where credit is due. However, for some reason, I thought it was written by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

As the kids have grown, this is the prayer we always say when we sit down to dinner. Although, it is sometimes difficult to always eat as a family because of activities, when we do sit down together and hold hands while saying our prayer, it is comforting to know my children are thankful.

Popcorn, Pretzels, Jelly Beans and Buttered Toast

Not sure how it started. Maybe the kids were laughing while watching Snoopy make buttered toast, but something caused us to adopt a rather odd tradition.

Every year we watch A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving (TV 1973). It is a story about how Peppermint Patty invites herself to Charlie Brown's house for Thanksgiving dinner, and Charlie Brown, unable to cook a meal himself, enables the help of Snoopy, Woodstock and Linus.

Unable to prepare a traditional Thanksgiving dinner with all the trimmings, the group prepares pretzels, jelly beans, popcorn and buttered toast. Of course, Peppermint Patty is outraged and disappointed for the lack of a traditional feast, but after being gently reminded by Marcie they are guests who imposed on Charlie Brown, she apologizes.

Mid-morning on Thanksgiving Day, we celebrate with the same feast. I think the silly things we do together are the traditions they will remember for the rest of their lives. I would like to think someday the unusual common bond they have, will be something they share with their families on Thanksgiving Day. I wonder if it will be Madeline, Andrew or Benjamin who turns to their siblings and asks,"Where did Mom come up with this stuff?"

Forever Young

My blog would be incomplete if I didn't include the lyrics to this song.

Forever Young
May the good Lord be with you
Down every road that you roam
And may sunshine and happiness
Surround you when you're far from home
And may you grow to be proud, dignified and true
And do unto others as you'd have done to you

Be courageous and be brave
And in my heart you'll always stay
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young

May good fortune be with you
May your guiding light be strong
Build a stairway to Heaven
With a prince or a vagabond

And may you never love in vain
And in my heart you will remain
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young, yeah

And when you finally fly away
I'll be hoping that I served you well
For all the wisdom of a lifetime
No one can ever tell

But whatever road you choose
I'm right behind you, win or lose
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young
For, forever young, forever young

Songwriters: Cregan, Jim; Stewart, Rod; Savigar, Kevin; Dylan, Bob
© WB MUSIC CORP

High School Siblings

Last week, one of Andrew's teachers shared an observation with me.

Madeline and Andrew are two years apart, she is a junior and he is a freshman at the same high school. The teacher told me when she was in high school and her sisters were at the same school, she avoided them and cringed when she saw them in the hallway at school.

The teacher went on to explain that when Madeline was one of her students as a freshman in Honors English, and as a sophomore in American Studies, she noticed how Madeline always spoke very highly of her family and her brothers. When she learned that Andrew would be in her freshman Honors English course this year, she was curious to see how he would speak of his sister and how they would interact with each other in high school.

Now that she sees first hand the relationship between Madeline and Andrew, the teacher wanted me to know she "is to the point of being jealous" and wishes she and her siblings had a similar relationship. She admires how supportive they are of each other, and whenever she has seen them interact together, the genuine relationship they share is touching.

Of course, they have their disagreements, although I admit, there have been only a few of them. I am just proud of the mutual respect they have for each other.

Truth

Things are seldom what they seem, skim milk masquerades as cream.

-W. S. Gilbert

Watching the Fish

I am not exactly sure where this photograph was taken, but based on the date, I think I was around four years old. When I looked at the photograph, I had vivid memories of my parents taking my sister and I fishing.

I remembered my parents talking about how my mom would bait the hook, and my dad would take the fish off the hook, but neither was willing to do the other task.

I had a memory of a wood dock and I was lying on my tummy, peering into the clear water, watching the fish swim amongst the green, wavy weeds.

And then a different memory came to me, I was alone on a dock and I wanted so badly to bait my own hook. I tipped the worm container, and a worm fell out onto the dock. I remember holding the hook and thinking how proud my parents would be of me, if I baited the hook and caught a fish on my own.

I took the hook, and tried without actually touching the worm, to stab the worm and bait the hook. I couldn't do it. I remember feeling torn between wanting to bait the hook, and surprise my parents, and not wanting to hurt the worm.

I scooped the worm back into the container. I couldn't bear to hurt it.

Looking back, it only makes sense that I would rather watch the fish swimming peacefully in the lake.

Fate

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

~Steve Jobs

Ode to Little Teddy

When I was sorting through my box of memories, I came across the following poem I wrote when I was maybe ten years old. It made me smile.

The Teddy Bear

Sitting here waiting for my owner,
Where could she be?
As soon as she leaves in the morning,
I realize how much I miss her.

I really love her,
Even though she chews on my ears.
She's a good owner,
Except one time she pulled my fur.

At night when she cuddles me,
I feel so close.
One time I fell out of bed,
She giggled.
Then she picked me up,
and brushed my fur.

I lost an eye once because of her,
Her mom threw me in the dryer.
They said I needed to be washed,
But my little owner said I was fine.

I spun round and round,
Well my owner cried.
Then I popped out,
Hair in my glass eyes.
Then she hugged me.

Would She Be Happy?

I spent a little while today looking through a box of items I saved from my youth. Almost everything in the box was from when I was younger than twenty years old.

Amongst many diaries, I found one I wrote when I was ten years old. I found my first driver’s license. There were stacks of letters I wrote to people in my life, and never sent. I touched countless journals of poetry I wrote in my youth. I scanned over love letters from people I haven’t thought of in years. I looked through several sketch books with drawings. I found a hall pass from my favorite high school teacher. I read papers I wrote about life, death and dying, and fairy tales.

I noticed how my handwriting has changed over the years, yet I could still see some similarities to my handwriting of today. I noticed the topics I wrote about then, are topics I am still trying to figure out. In the drawings, I could recognize my style, although I like to think it is a bit more refined. In the letters, I could see my compassion and caring of other people. In the poetry, as I read the first line, the words I wrote came back to me and I could recite the poem to the end.

I could see myself as the young girl, but I started to wonder. Did the young girl who packed away the items in the box, see me when she thought of herself as a woman? Would she be happy if she saw who she became?

I wish I could ask her.

Kitten Mittens

I love mittens!

What makes me even happier are mittens with kittens on them. How can you not smile when you look at them?

I am sure the cold winter months will be much brighter when I look at the palms of my hands and Kitten Mitten is smiling at me. We will have many great adventures together!

Andrew's Thanksgiving Menu

Andrew's favorite holiday, without a doubt, is Thanksgiving.

He started reminding me a week or so ago, his annual countdown to Thanksgiving Day. I couldn't help but laugh. About five years ago, we were talking about our favorite holidays and the traditions that go along with them.

When the room was quiet, Andrew, who is usually very soft spoken said aloud, with increasing gusto in his voice, "Turkey.......corn......mashed potatoes....... gravy........YEEEESSSSS!" We all started laughing because it sounded so funny.

Today, Andrew and I were planning the menu for Thanksgiving dinner. He knows how much I like to cook and thinks I make the best, well, everything. I asked what he thought we should make this year.

He looked at me with laughter in his eyes and said, "Turkey....corn....mashed potatoes...." I chimed in and we both said, "gravy.....YEEEESSSSS!"

Being silly, we both started laughing, and I admired his beautiful smile.

I Need to Remind Myself

"No longer forward nor behind,

I look in hope or fear;

But grateful take the good I find,

The best of now and here."

-John Greenleaf Whittier

My Best Friend

Today is my best friend’s birthday.

I met Rochelle almost twenty years ago when I interviewed her for a position at Wayne State University. She was late for the interview because of the weather, but I was working late anyways, and told her it was fine.

Little did I know on that day, her career would begin at the university and I would for the first time in my life, have a best friend.

I had been married less than a year, with no children. She had been married for a while and it turns out was pregnant with her first child. I eventually would leave the department we both worked in and take a position in another building, but we would often meet for lunch. A year later, fate would have it I took a position down the hall from her office. Almost every morning we would meet in my office to eat breakfast together and visit.

She eventually left the university, we both added to our families and we stayed in touch. There were a few years when we did not talk as much as we both would have liked, but I knew if I ever needed anything, she was a phone call away.

As our children grew, they developed a cousin relationship with each other and our families have shared vacations, weekends and birthdays together. She and I have shared many laughs and just as in any great friendship, we have shared our sorrows also.

We laugh because we are different, yet our strengths and weaknesses complement each other. She teases me about my glue, crayon and glitter obsessions, but I know she will keep the promise to sprinkle glitter all over my coffin and grave site if I should die first. The other day, she had me laughing so hard when we were talking about cleaning out my closet, and she looked at me and said “You have a completely different relationship with your clothes than I do.”

She shares with me the books she is reading for her book club, knowing me well enough to know if I would like a particular book, or not. She was patient enough, with Ben’s help, to teach me how to play Euchre. We talk about our children and families, along with the joy and tribulations that come with being a daughter, wife and mom. My children love her as an aunt, and have many wonderful memories of the times they have shared with her.

Although we live much closer to each other now, then when our friendship first began, we still both not so secretly wish we were next door neighbors. A thirty-five minute drive is not that far, but when you need to see your best friend, it may as well be five hours away. We talk about when we are older, we will go to each other's house and sit on the porch. We will talk about all the fun we have had together, and look back on our friendship and smile. Of course, the houses will be right next door to each other.

To my best friend in the world, I wish you the happiest of birthdays! I am so blessed to have you in my life. You are the bestest, and always will be. I love you.

Sleep

I think tonight is one of those nights where I just need a good night sleep to clear my head. I have suffered from insomnia on and off for at least the past ten years. It hasn't been so bad lately, but I am always fearful it will return.

Forever Friends

"Pooh, promise you won't forget about me, ever. Not even when I'm a hundred."

Pooh thought for a little.

"How old shall I be then?"

"Ninety-nine."

Pooh nodded.

"I promise," he said.

Creative Imagination=Lifetime Scar

Part of my journey has been taking the time to reflect on my childhood. For some reason, I am finding it to be an important part of the puzzle. As I mentioned before, I remember only bits and pieces of it. Some of the memories I do have I think are really either my sister's or my parent's memories of a particular event from their point of view that they have shared with me. Therefore, it is hard to distinguish their memories from my actual memories.

For me, I seem to mostly remember the traumatic memories.

Until I was in fourth grade, my parents moved multiple times. I vaguely remember a house they rented having a very large fenced-in yard. I think this house was before we moved to Pennsylvania, so I must have been younger than three years old.

What I remember was it was warm day and I was playing in the yard. I suppose you could say I had a creative imagination. I was pretending our large dog was my pony.

After trying to climb on the dog multiple times with no success, I had a brainstorm of an idea. I could walk the dog, over to the folding lawn chair, hold him steady while I climbed onto the lawn chair, and easily saddle my pony. Seemed like a great plan.

Things sometimes never work as planned when you are three. I remember convincing the dog to come near the chair. I remember climbing onto the chair. I remember the chair closing as I tried to climb on my pony. I remember the dog moving. I remember falling.

And then I remember tasting blood and crying. I remember getting the stitches.

Today when the light hits the area between my lower lip and chin, I see the scar from the stitches where I bit through the skin when I fell.

The scar reminds me it is not a good idea to stand on a lawn chair to try and climb on the dog’s back. However, even with the scar, I still think it was a good idea to pretend he was a pony.

11:11

Years ago, one of Madeline's friends was with us for a weekend trip. The young girl was very quiet, and almost whispered when she spoke. Imagine my surprise when she yelled out "11:11!" We all looked at her, she smiled and sheepishly explained the concept of 11:11.

She told us we needed to make sure our feet were not touching the ground, and as long as the clock said 11:11 you could make as many wishes as you want until the clock changes to 11:12.

Wow. As many wishes as I want just for keeping my feet off the ground for one minute? Sure seems like a deal to me considering I only get one wish while blowing out birthday candles. I'm in!

Whenever the clock says 11:11, my usually bare feet leave the ground, I smile and start wishing.

Happy 11-1-11. (Gosh, I can't wait for 11-11-11!)